Ask Lexi: Cheating Hearts?

Well, as most of you know by know, Elena and Stefan didn’t seal the “vampire” deal in 4×02, as many of us had suspected they would. While they had many meaningful moments, Damon decided to make his move with a bit of blood sharing. While Elena may have been none the wiser as to his true intent, Damon certainly knew exactly what he was doing! It appears that many of you are concerned about Elena not being true to Stefan (as our latest poll indicates), and so our latest Ask Lexi column deals with exactly that topic. We were going to withhold it for a few more days since the excitement following an episode often overshadows things like this, but Lexi herself appeared to me from the other side and hinted it might be a good time to share this.

Question from Lexie (Worried): But Lexi can you answer me what is the intersecting moment between Damon and Elena in 4×04? I’m so worried she’s going to cheat on Stefan… please answer me right when you get this… because I really want this season to be Stelena… us SEers got Delena for a full year. I can’t handle another one!

Dear Worried:

This is a loaded question. I can absolutely guarantee that Stefan will not cheat on Elena, but what Elena will or will not do is harder to guarantee.

Now don’t be upset at my statement above. All I really meant was that my interaction with Elena was a short one. I had little time to know her, but in the short time I did, I saw strength of character and incredible loyalty. I saw and appreciated her compassion and her kind and open heart, all traits that I recognized and admired in Stefan. Elena’s love for Stefan is true. I have been witness to her commitment twice.
The first was at our birthday celebration in MF. The way Elena talked about him and looked at him and the sincerity in which she spoke, made me realize without a shadow of a doubt that Elena loved Stefan truly, wholly and deeply.
The second time I was able to see Elena’s love for Stefan was when she contacted me in the midst of one of the worst struggles he has undertaken. This particular abysmal fall wasn’t of his own doing, as you know, because he was compelled. This was as far gone as I had ever seen my friend.
It is due to these observations that I can say that, I do not believe she would cheat.

There are different feelings that signify happiness and warmth. There are also categories in which those feelings of warmth and happiness fall. Personal accomplishment aside, you can acknowledge that one the most influential emotion is knowing someone cares for you, solely. But caring alone isn’t the only ingredient that is desired with romantic involvement. There has to be some certainty (or to the best probability of truth and trust) that caring is more than a crush or an obsession. That who you are isn’t lost as you undertake that romantic journey. That you become more–not less. That you, [the person] are not an object of desire only or a mere possession.
Being cared for and loved has to be without an inkling of doubt that the ‘winning’ of that emotion is about competition or ‘con’ gaming. That it is not only about lust or desire [although these components are extremely important]. And so, positivity of a relationship, as well as the ability to deal with the reality of trials and tribulations is key. The cumulative effect of attraction, trust, friendship, respect and hope leads to true love.

It’s not only a state of mind, it’s a state of being–in love. In love: in the moment, in the dream, in the hope, in a leap of faith. In love: as relationships go, ‘easy’ and ‘hard’ are learning curves, they are neither friend nor enemy. In love: time [whether it’s length to ‘fall’ or length to know] is measured on a different continuum, we are all here for only a small moment.

When you don’t ‘show up’ as who you are, people ‘love’ who you’re not. This is how it is and what the relationship is based on with Damon and Elena. People who are lost are hard to live with, Elena knows she has to be with someone who makes deposits not just ‘withdrawals’.

No, she will not cheat, not in her heart, not in her soul, not where it counts. Because being in love is not an experiment, it’s not a test, it’s not a question. One doesn’t search for answers about feelings, or wonder about it or is torn by it. Love isn’t that hard. Love is constant, with or without struggle. Love is where the heart is. Yes, it’ a cliche, but there has to be a warm heart. And though he’s a vampire, it’s always warm where Stefan is.


Thanks again to Lexi for her wise words. If you have a question for Lexi, please ask it in the comments.

6 thoughts on “Ask Lexi: Cheating Hearts?

  1. can you answer this.. then what is the moment between elena and damon that the writer said alot of DEers are going to talk on november 2 about episode 4 and it doesnt explain sexy…. and also i guess stefan and elena breakup in 4×05 – 4×06 so please answer the 2 questions because i am so freaken worried for episode 4.. and im also having a emotional breakdown knowing there gonna breakup.. so please answer these so i will know…

    1. Hey Lexie… I’m not sure that even Lexi can answer that question for sure. She has great insight but unfortunately can’t predict the future as much as we might want her to. Hold onto her sentence: “No, she will not cheat, not in her heart, not in her soul, not where it counts.” I’d really encourage you to join our forum where 4×04 is being discussed in the spoiler section. No matter what happens in 4×04 and beyond, we’ll be here to help each other through it 😉

      1. ok thanks… just want them together.. we just got them back.. and know the producers are going to take them away from us… seriously…. so what that there is more delena fandom.. then make stelena more sexier and have hotter scenes… dah!!

  2. They are saying that there is a moment in episode 7 that is going to rival the big moment in season 1 with 2 million youtube views. It was also hinted that she was going to be having some vampire sex (and if Stefan and her do not have sex in episode 3…..which they should but I dont think its going to happen). They also said Stefan is not going to the ball during episode 7 either… so that leads me to believe that she will be having sex with Damon on that night.. makes me feel ill.

    1. If that happens, we’ll all be feeling ill! You’re right, it wouldn’t technically be cheating, but knowing the history between Stefan and Damon, Elena actually sleeping with Damon would have a profound effect on everyone involved… and all of us will be needing our puke buckets for sure.

  3. Although I dont think it will be considered “cheating” since they will be broken still feels very wrong. The writers better have something good up their sleeves if I’m going to buy it. I’m still having a hard time buying that she went to Damon for help.

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