Ask Lexi: Forever Delena? or Future Stelena?

NewLexiSmallStelena asks: Dear Lexi,

Season 4 ends with Elena choosing Damon. So will they be together forever? or will Elena and Stefan get back together at the very end of the story?

Hello: This year a psychologically impaired Elena, made a decision to be clinically involved with a man who can be at times disrespectful to her [and her friends], dismissive to folks who matter and a controlling bully–in short she decided to be in an abusive relationship. There are reasons why someone would decide to do this, but the clear picture here is the idea that…if you feel ashamed, you live the life that validates that shame.

Elena has some healing to do in order to be whole and have a life of purpose again; but at this point she is either not ready or incapable to do the work to get there or doesn’t yet have the psychological mechanism needed to get to that place. That journey has not begun, she is still crippled by all the losses in her life, including Stefan by the way; and until she gets to the starting line, she is in a type of denial.

Denial gives your ego the ‘permission’ to take the easy way out which manifests itself by placing her shameful, guilt ridden self in the life of a person that will do the thinking of her; who will eliminate the guilt; a person who will make her feel everything and feel nothing. A person whose ‘noise’ will drown out the voice of sound reasoning. A person whose way of un-life will obliterate the losses–cue Damon, her drug of choice.
Sadly, her decision to use Damon as a crutch will, in time, implode that relationship.

And so Elena needs to be whole again, for herself. I believe that that subconscious ideology has led to the knowledge that she had nothing to give to Stefan except the broken pieces of herself–a state that is good enough to be with Damon, but won’t ever be rich enough or real enough for a relationship with Stefan. A relationship, by the by, that’s built on truths and purpose–not lies, not denials, not giving in to easy and not giving up on hard.

To ‘fix’ herself Elena has to be completely clear about what she wants–by that I mean what she wants for her future. At this juncture she has taken her empathy for Damon’s misery and Damon’s obsession with her and made a decision based on her compassion and love for him. This is about him–not her. You don’t make a bad decision for yourself, bad decisions are unconsciously made on behalf of the sad sap of a soul you think you want or need to save. The dynamic is dysfunctional–not because I said so, but because of who these people are individually. And so after she does the work [to be a whole person again] and is clear about what she wants for her, she will have the courage to seek it out and to ask for it.

Stefan and Elena are done as they were: “when I was a child I understood as a child, reasoned like a child; but now I’m grown it’s time to put away childish things”. They will be together again–maybe even immortally, one never knows about these doppelganger mythology.
In any event, it is possible to rediscover, to rebuild, to recreate and redefine a relationship. It’s possible to commit to a new behavior, a better behavior, a lasting behavior, a deeper love and an abiding behavior. We have to be willing to let go of the past, as they will, because the destination has to be about living together in peace–not in pieces.


We are in love with your point of view, Lexi! Ah, the wisdom that flows from the other side.

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One thought on “Ask Lexi: Forever Delena? or Future Stelena?

  1. Thank you Lexi for this promising perspective on Elena’s character development and Stelena’s possible future 🙂

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