Ask Lexi – Open Arms?

NewLexiSmall I think Lexi has been a little shy since it was exposed that she… um… slept with Damon. Well, she’s back this week (though conjuring her up proved a bit more difficult this time) to answer a question about Stefan and Elena’s potential future.

Q from JBuffyangel on the chatbox:

Everyone on the show is saying that once Elena gets the cure and returns human, she’ll go racing back to Stefan. But has anyone asked Stefan if his arms will be open? I mean, Elena slept with his brother and NEVER ONCE considered that it might be the sire bond. I know Stefan is very forgiving but I just don’t think it’ll be as easy as what the characters are saying.

So, what’s your personal take on this matter, Lexi? 🙂

A from Lexi:

Dear JBuffyangel:

No, in a manner of speaking, it won’t be easy to pick up the pieces. Without struggle there is no growth, and so nothing worth having is easy. You’re right of course when you say Stefan is a forgiving man because, unlike me, he understands that forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past can be changed. And so from that aspect, Elena is already forgiven-not because of her extraordinary circumstances, but in spite of them. It’s important to separate forgiving [someone] from forgetting. The irony here is that, he is the one person that he finds the hardest to forgive. Believe me I have had a time of it getting him to accept that fact even as I tried to make it clear to him that forgiveness is a gift to himself.

So what are the extenuating circumstances here: Elena became a vampire and in addition was sire bonded; and then she slept with Damon–her sire. BTW, let me just say from personal experience that sleeping with Damon was not a particular earth shattering experience..just sayin’.

Now before the sexploitation occurred, Elena was a vampire who demonstrated and verbalized how very devoted she was to Stefan and how much her relationship with Stefan meant to her. It is important to understand this: carrying out an order [while under the influence of vampire to vampire sire bonding] is a circumstance where you don’t realize and can’t recognize that you do not own your thoughts and that your actions are dictated only by the needs of your sire. Elena was not able to conceptualize the idea of sire bonding, because as far as she was concerned [being in a constant state of denial about the reality of the situation] it did not exist–her brain could not process this kind of circumstance. She knew of and about sire bonding, but she also believed that ‘that’ didn’t/couldn’t happen to her, so therefore it couldn’t be a real consideration. IOW everyone else is wrong and she is right.

Does Stefan love Elena? Yes, he still does truly and deeply and the truth and part of the responsibility of that kind of love is knowing when to let go. In addition there is a certain order to Stefan’s life-a creed which dictates how he cares for others and how respectful he is of individual rights and personal choice. There is one more important element: having the wisdom to know that relationships that have experienced a traumatic occurrence, that time has to be doled out so that healing can begin.

In whatever state Elena ‘awakens’ (whether she is human or not), Stefan will know that she needs time to grieve and time to give herself permission to be okay after what she has gone through; that then and there is not the time to continue with the relationship they had previously, even if Elena believes this to be a possibility. There is absolutely not one iota of doubt in my mind that Stefan will not push, or crowd Elena into resuming a romantic relationship with him. Instead it’s going to be a give and take situation. He’s going to give her space and take time for himself.


If you have a question for Lexi, just drop it in the comment section or on the forum.